Yet another night that I think about far too often is one in which I’m pretty sure I know that I misplaced something, and even more unfortunately XXXX also misplaced something. Although neither of us were too upset about it, and I’m still not. In fact, I remember being somewhat glad to be rid of it. I never did find that which I misplaced that night, although to tell you the truth, I haven’t really been looking too hard. I do remember the moon from that night.
We looked at it from inside a dark room through the window. It was a full moon that night. The light had given us just enough light to see each other.
Perhaps I shouldn’t talk of such things, for unbecoming carnal knowledge, at least, is it considered by some. She was the first of my heart in the palm of her own.
Yet we were young and stupid and unbelievably happy when we were together. But just as you can only stay high for so long, so too can my happiness remain pure remain pure and unfettered by mistakes that you would think that I made on purpose. But that woman will always be the first person I loved.
And I will never forget her. She has moved on to a better life and is married to someone who I can only assume is as incredible and amazing as she is, and she deserves him, and I’m sure he deserves her.
But this is my memory, and so a little reminiscence will occur. I had never known what it was like to truly date another person and care for them. Feelings brand new to me, and I felt brand new to them. As green as her eyes to the concept of love.
My very first Valentine’s day with a girlfriend, we went and saw the movie Yes Man, which is complete shit but because she was there, I still laugh when I watch that movie from time to time. It was a sold out theater, and my palms were so sweaty in her hand.
Or maybe it was the other way around. So green, so young. It was definitely my hand that was sweaty, but not that gross sweat but the familiar kind, a mixture of nervousness and excitement. What really is the difference between them? In that moment nothing.
It was the first time I had dressed up for a date, but you wouldn’t have thought I had even tried when you saw this girl.
The theater was packed with pairs just like us, but it felt like it was just her and I, sitting there looking at eternity together. Like one of those scenes where it is just an expanse of green pine trees. All you see is green for miles. All I saw were those green eyes for miles.
Later, after the movie, we went to my car and we drove to her house and we talked and talked about life and love and what we were feeling for each other. Unfortunately though, I can’t seem to remember what she was wearing that night, but I’m sure I will find the memory of it someday, down to the last piece of fabric.
But I remember the newness of it all, the green. All green, me, her, our feelings for one another. But green only used to be my color.