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Purple was one of the first girls that I had a crush on. I was had just started high school, and we flirted for the longest time. I remember a football game we both we went too. All the kids in our grade sat in the same spot so we were having a good time. She had worn flip flops to the game, and it was the middle of fall so it was cold as shit. She asked me to switched shoes, and I worn girls flip flops and she wore my Etines.
Who wouldn’t think that was a sign that this girl liked me? We had all the same classes together for half the day and we always sat by each other. Whenever I hung out with this other girl who was friends with her, she was like why don’t you ask her out? Now this was still early high school so you have to remember “going out” just meant that you were labeled as boyfriend and girlfriend. You weren’t going out in the sense comes later, which includes things that I will not mention, for unbecoming carnal knowledge is not good.
Anywhoser, one day I was hanging out with a bunch of kids, and that girl that was friends with this girl called her and made me talk to her and ask her to go out with me, which I did. But I got struck down, and even when her friend talked to her, no luck. Now I liked this girl like only a young boy going through puberty could. My main focus for the rest of the school year was to get this girl to like me enough to go out with me. I remember being sick one day and texting everybody in our class, telling them to get her to go out with me.
Puberty is an mother fucker, but you know that. Anyways, after that things got a little awkward and we didn’t flirt anymore, and I got super embarrassed ever time I was around, which was pretty much much all the time.
But I will never forget those times before I asked her out when we could flirt openly, and that football game where I froze my pale feet off for months afterwards. One could say that my feet were . . . . . . . . . . . . . . PURPLE. Which they were that night, seriously. It was really cold. Come on girl, be my girlfriend for like a week or two, which in those days was like dating for several years. But this purple girl will always be one that I never got that chance with. I kept that crush still to this day, although my feet are not purple, my memory will always be of her in purple.
How do you respond to bad news? Do you get angry? Do you get scared? What do you do? This is an honest question from me. I won’t get into the question of a higher power, but all I know is that I have been handed nothing but grief, and in completely random order. There is no plan. There is no answer.
I do not care to share what this post refers too, as I do not care to share most of the things in my personal life, because this is not a blog. This is a medium for writing in which stories are told about situations of unknown characters, in dire distress. There has not been one entry that has contained a hint of hope or promise. Just pain and suffering.
I only tell this story in the first person to show that no one can escape life and what pain it has in store for them. I do not claim to have more pain than anyone reading this. I can only speak to my own, which in my eyes comes quick and without end. Do not send your prayers, because I do not want them.
She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. The time I was able to spend with her was only two days, and then she left my life. Completely and totally.
I have no way to connect with her now, and that is her choice, so I will respect it. Even though every day and every night it kills me a little more. A little bit more of my heart falls off like a leaf in the fall.
I remember the fall. It was the first time we expressed feelings for each other. My feelings are still strong, while hers have died away. I can only hope that they aren’t completely torn out of her heart yet, and that one day I can talk to her again.
Every night, I lay in bed alone thinking about her. I would do anything to have her in bed next to me just so I could hold her for a little longer.
I once said that she was red like my passion and my anger, but that’s not true. She is every color to me. I can describe her in all her forms and with any color. She is my everything, and I will let my heart wither until there is nothing left of it. Until it is completely gone, while I sit here and wait, chasing my rainbow.