The Adderall Diaries Part Eleven

(The following story is duplicated here verebatim from a handwritten journal. The journal is a blue composition journal, college-ruled, and Staples brand. The author of the journal is in the throws of a euphoric and dysphoric addiction with adderall. Speculation as to the author’s identity is intriguing, but better left discovered somewhere else)


I really have no desire to go and hang out with her family on my day off, and I wnat to get out of it if at all possible. The obvious story would be that I didn’t feel good and needed to stay home and rest. This would also probably be the lie that she would most suspect of not being true and get me in trouble with her in addition to having to go or fight with her about it until she gave up. This would be very stressful to me int he long haul, and I would rather just go. Another option is to tell her that I can’t go for some reason, one that I would have to think of like a family thing or that I have to do something else more pressing than go. I would have to be careful to make the reason that I come up with seem legitimate or risk the same fight that happened with the last option.


Yet anothe roption would be to tell her the truth and ask for sympathy from her in not having to go. This is a good possibility but would have to be handled delicately to produce the sympathy that I need to avoid going. The risk that would come from not handling it carefully would be the aforementioned fight. Another option would be to actually just go to the dinner and make my compliance a good argument for not being required to stay very long. This is a very good option and the one that is most likely to be successful. However, the price of that success would be doing that which I would rather not. Is that worth it? Probably.


I think that I could live with it. The problem arises from me having stayed up all night and maybe not getting all the sleep that I want. And I would get no sympathy from ****** because she would be mad at me for staying up all night. Unless of course I convinced her that I didn’t stay up all night, but just really really late (early?) But I would still probably not get enough sleep and be tired and still have to go to the damn thing.


Decisions are hard to make when all of the options involve something unpleasant. But they are made a little easier when that unpleasantness ensures something favorable. I will probably stay up most if not all of the night and convince her that I did not and then I will probably go to her family thing if some escape does not present itself with a great chance of me getting more of what I want. This is not terrible and ****** has definitely done things that she did not want to do so that she could get the same thing that I am after. More time to do the thing that I want. I feel like I have a good case though, I must say, for not being expected to have to go. I work all week and this is one of the two days that get completely to myself. Although, I do have to admit that ******* has just as good of a case for expecting me to go. I wish I didn’t have to go and that she wouldn’t get super pissed at me for staying up all night.


Its not hurting anybody or bothering anybody. But whatever I guess. I would be lying if I said I didn’t understand why for both of those things but it doesn’t make it any better for me. I just want to do what I want to do on my time off. That’s it. I don’t think thtat is an unreasonable request. I go to work. I pay the bills. I spend time with ******. All I am asking for is the time that she is already sleeping and won’t notice that I’m gone and a  Saturday night. I don’t even need that completely to myself just not spending it with her family. Nobody likes spending time with their in-laws.


So I made it to the other side unscathed. I layed in bed with ****** for a little over two hours. I think that htis will be more than enough time to convince her that I slept last night. I know that she was aware of me being in bed, so no matter what I can say that I did in fact go to bed. And I can defend myself with enough proof that it doesn’t matter what she thinks about how long I slept. I was there and I put in the time. So that can be checked off as a success for me. Now all that is left is to try and get out of going to the family thing later tonight. Maybe I can lay down for a nap later today, which will actually be the first time I slept and of course I will cleep longer than a normal nap. I can then say that I don’t feel good and get out of going completely.


That would be the idea, but I think for that to be successful I will need to wait for her to suggest that I don’t go so that it doesn’t seem like I am pushing for that. It will make my whole story more believable. If I play this thing right I will get off completely scott free with the whole ordeal which is better than what I thought a couple of hours ago.


Really I think that I have set it up well. At least if I do end up going then I can say that I went and I will be in a very good position to leave relatively early. Maybe that is the smart play. Just to go for a little while and then come home having fulfilled all of my obligations. This will have me in a great position going into the week. There isn’t anything in particular that I am trying to get, but I will be in a good spot when I am later on.


to be continued . . .


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